How Mary Jane Got Her Groove Back (Sort Of)
by Darth Skywalker
Summary: Everyone has heard the announcement by now. MJ will be appearing regularly in Invincible Iron Man in Marvel's actual comics. But why? How? This one-shot attempts to answer those questions and will eventually lead to a separate ongoing fanfic starring MJ. Note: Many vague references to my guess at Post-Secret Wars Secrets to be revealed in the near future! Also, NO MJxTony! Really!


"Hey buddy, can I get you something? We're closing."

The figure slumped over the bar swirled his drink absent mindedly. "So am I," he muttered.

Mary Jane Watson sighed. This was the third straight Friday the guy had come here, ordered her most expensive beer, and then not taken a sip of it and stayed quiet all night, and then left after MJ had threatened to call the cops. At a minimum, it was a waste of her inventory. At a maximum, it was a royal pain in the ass. Everyone else had gone home for the night. The club had made great money this evening, and the band that had played had sold out a third straight show. Despite that, she just wanted to get home.

She tried a different tactic.

"Sir…you've been here all night, ordered one drink, and stared into space without a sip. You do this every week." She studied the man who was going to yet again be her last customer of the night, then continued. "I don't have a problem with that…I have to admit you tip pretty damn well…but, uh…here's the thing…"

She leaned forward until she was in the guy's face, and he continued to ignore her, staring into his unconsumed drink.

"I don't like depressed people. So either snap out of it, or get lost. Again."

At this, something seemed to spark in the man's eyes, and he looked up at her, as if awaking from a long dream. He studied Mary Jane, then finally spoke.

"Bitch."

Mary Jane smirked. "Yeah, a guy like you could use one."

He scowled, and now it was on. "What would you know about it? If you knew half the things I had to put up with, the crap I had to deal with, how much pressure—"

She raised a hand. "Spare me. I got you beat."

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you know who you're talking to?"

She looked unimpressed. "Am I supposed to?"

The man didn't respond this time, and looked back down into his drink. Without elaborating, he began reeling off his grievances. "Lost my girl, lost my closest confidant, in the process of losing my business, losing my reputation, losing—"

MJ shook her head and interrupted him. "Dude. You think you got it bad? Suck it up, and go to Syria. See what people are going through there, and then see if you have the heart to continue your whining. Face it Tiger, you hit the jackpot…living in America, that is."

The man was taken aback, and was about to yell at her, but then he stopped and a look of recognition dawned on his face. "Mary Jane?"

Mary Jane shot him a confused look. "Uh, yeah, that's me."

"No…I mean…Mary Jane! You were a guest in the Tower, back before the Civil War!"

MJ froze and her eyes narrowed, and she instinctively began reaching for her gun. "Wait a minute, how do you know about that—"

He smiled, and after looking around momentarily to ensure the nightclub was indeed empty, he pulled off his hood, wig and eye glasses to reveal…

"Tony Stark," she said, still suspicious. "Or so it appears. My question still stands. How do you know who I am?"

He shrugged. "I have some memory of you and a few other people taking refuge at Avengers Tower…a few years back…just can't remember…never seemed to…but for some reason I remember you used to love that phrase…and when you said it just now, it refreshed my memory."

Mary Jane sniffed. "Well, I'm glad I'm so memorable that one line jogs your brain." Of course, she knew the real reason he couldn't remember, for reasons we won't get into in this story (editor's note – Read (or don't read) the infamous Amazing Spider-Man: OMD and OMIT stories to find out why Tony's memories are jumbled and vague).

She grabbed his drink and dumped it down the sink, talking to the billionaire playboy as she did so. "Clearly things have been better for the great Tony Stark. But why the long face? You've still got more than most. And why my club?"

He seemed more relaxed now, although still somewhat upset, chuckling bitterly. "Come on, haven't you read the news? Everyone thinks I'm a piece of crap and hates me."

Mary Jane smiled wistfully, thinking of someone else, and then quickly thought better of it. She wasn't going there tonight. Especially not after the unresolved mystery that had showed up at home that she was going to need a special kind of help in taking care of.

Unfortunately.

She turned around as she dried the glass. "Sorry, I don't worship the lives of superheroes. Got my own problems to deal with. But even if so, I mean, who cares, right?"

This time it was Stark's turned to be confused. "What do you mean?"

Mary Jane put the glass away and began putting on her coat as she walked across to where Stark was sitting. "At the end of the day, you come into this world with nothing, and eventually, you leave this world with nothing. Sometimes, a guy like you can use getting knocked down a few pegs. It's good for the soul, and it's good to have some humility. It's even… _purifying_."

She grabbed him by the arm and pulled up his hood, trying to steer him towards the exit. "Come on, you need to get out here or fly away, or whatever it is you—"

"Wait!"

She stopped and let go of him, looked at him and sighed. "Seriously, Tony, I need to get home, I have a—"

"No, wait." He looked at her, his eyes wide as though he had just had an epiphany. The words she had said appeared to be washing over him. "That's the best advice I've gotten from anyone in years…maybe I've surrounded myself with yes-men and yes-women for too long. Maybe I've spent too much time in my rich guy bubble. Maybe I haven't been around the common person like you enough. Maybe I—"

She rolled her eyes, this time sighing even louder. " _Get. To. The. Point._ "

He studied her for a second, then he smiled. "See, it's that kind of attitude that no one else has ever bothered to show me…and I would like to continue that, if you would care to join me…" Stark flashed his trademark million dollar grin, and MJ recoiled.

"Okay…was this all just an elaborate plot to get in my pants?" she yelled. Without waiting for an answer, she pushed him to the door and tried to push it open.

When she tried, nothing happened. She cursed, and then looked at Tony, realizing he had quickly used one of his gadgets to take advantage of her high-technology upgrades to the club (automatically sliding doors, just because) against her and lock her in.

She was incredulous. "Are you kidding me? Now you're going to hold me against my will? You son of a—"

Stark held up his hands "Okay, okay…I know how this looks…but seriously…here's the thing…"

She folded her arms. "Do I have a choice?"

"I need to hear this kind of perspective on a regular basis…and from what I remember, you had told me once you had studied psychology…so…I guess what I'm saying is…I need a shrink."

She slapped her head. "Oii…look Tony…sweet of you to offer, but I got my own problems. No thanks/"

Tony's face darkened, slightly. He tapped a few buttons on a remote that had appeared in his hand and then looked at her. "I guess I should be more clear…it's not a choice. I just started the work on buying out your nightclub. So now you have no job. Let me ask again…wanna be my shrink?"

Mary Jane fell back into a bar stool, pissed. Then she thought about it. "Is this paid, or am I doing this on a volunteer basis?" He quickly affirmed it would be paid, and named the salary. Her eyes widened.

MJ had mingled with rich Hollywood types for years, and had liked to think money wouldn't motivate her, but he had caught her at the right time. The problem at home needed money to even begin to be solved, way beyond the ability of the nightclub to handle. This was going to help. Big time.

"Okay…I'm in."

Tony smiled. "Great! Thank you!" He enthusiastically extended a hand, and suddenly a badge materialized in it from somewhere (oh, technology!), with her photo and name on it, with big letters spelling "STARK" underneath it and a number combination. "This is your employee badge, you'll use it to sign in when you arrive at Stark Industries—"

MJ shook her head. She was going to do this on her terms. "No."

Tony raised an eyebrow menacingly. "No?"

She nodded. "We do this my way. If you like my advice, then I'm not going into your bubble. I need to retain my own daily life and my very normal surroundings, thank you very much. So if you want to buy my club, fine, but I need to keep working here. This place is still mine even if you now somehow, magically, own it. You wanna come talk to me, you know where to find me. Bring checks payable to Mary Jane Watson." She paused, and then smiled pointing to her phone, which she had covertly been using while Tony had been lost in his hysteria. "And if you don't do that, I've got a bit of technology of my own, where I hit send and I alert Spider-Man to the fact that Iron Man is down here trying to assault me in my place of business."

Tony shook his head and inwardly cursed at forgetting the code to his cell phone jammer. At least the prototype card-transport device had been easily accessed, although that was a waste. She was going to be difficult…but God, he needed this. He needed the reality checks. The kicks to the gut.

The humanity.

He extended a hand and smiled again. "Okay…we have a deal."

She shook her head and recriprocated. "I'm going to regret this, but if you're crazy enough to pay a psychology major college dropout that much to be your shrink…"

He shook her hand warmly. "Welcome to the team, Mary Jane."


End file.
